The Most Expensive Doggie Haircut, Ever

In our small household we are no strangers to getting our hair cut. Interestingly, both me and Matt belong to the hairier category of the human race, and without proper waxing or shaving, my legs and even arms very soon resembles that of an overgrown chia-pet.

Matt has the convenient excuse of being a boy, so even though he has got bushy toes and this freakish patch of hair grass on each of his foot, society somehow determined that it is okay because it is "masculine." The hair on his head, however, grows so exceedingly fast and furious that two weeks without getting a haircut I wake up and find myself next to a monkey.

It is only fitting then for us to get a dog that requires the same amount, if not more, high maintenance when it comes to fur management. Poodles, unlike most dogs, have fur that do not shed. Instead, their fur continues to grow and grow like human hair, and requires regular and diligent grooming for them not to get matted and become uncomfortable. This quality makes them rather desirable if you are like me, who likes to wear black--dog hair on black clothes are so not cute.

It is NOT desirable, however, if you don't like to spend a fortune on your dog.

Azuki usually gets her hair trimmed once a month in a dog salon that is RELATIVELY inexpensive. In Tokyo, relatively inexpensive could actually mean out right price gouging, but since everywhere else is just as expensive or much more, your mind start playing tricks on you, and after awhile, money no longer seems like money, and spending that much to get your dog's hair trimmed, nails cut, ear hair plucked and her anal gland 'expressed' (i.e. squeeze all that funky juice outta that butt hole!) seems like a total steal. After all, do YOU want to squeeze poopy liquid out of your dog's butt hole? Didn't think so. That is definitely an outsource type of job. So seriously, I was starting to wonder about my luck, until I got notice that the store was moving.

There is another pet store that also does groming, but one time I went in there to ask about their pet boarding services the shop girl was exceedingly and unecessarily rude to me, which means there is no reason to give them my business. The large pet supply store that I can reach by bicycle also has a grooming section...and it is cheap if you join as their annual member. I am actually okay with doing that but Matt, after seeing their facilities, declared it unsanitary and unfit for our pup. God forbid Azuki accidentally takes a few slurps from the bath tub which has been tainted by, The Common Dog. (Although our dog regularly takes happy large slurps from the bowl which catches water that comes out of our dryer. Something about the taste of linen water that really suits her liking)

So that leaves just one other dog grooming service in our neighborhood--and this place is expensive.

I don't really know how stores determines their prices, especially when large variations obviously exist. But, The Grooming, as it is called, has arbitrarily decided that it will cost a toy poodle $XX to get primmed and proper. I mean, I am all about spending money on little furry pals, but even I thought that was a tad bit too much. I mean, do they use, like, shampoo made from the algae from the deep sea--like is it the same ingredient that is used in the anti-wrinkle de la mer cream? Do they give the dogs aromatheraphy massages? Or, or, perhaps they have got MAD SKILLS and will magically make my dog's legs seem shorter and actually proportional and make her look like a normal toy poodle? BECAUSE IF THEY CAN MAKE HER LEGS LOOK NORMAL then heck I will gladly dish it out! It would be like non-invasive plastic surgery for dogs.

Azuki was really desperate for a haircut, as Matt has been pointing out that the hair on her legs are way over-grown, and she is starting to resemble a small, barking, jumpy, portable jungle. So I decide to give this new place a try, since I still have some remaining faith in humanity. It must be special since it is expensive, I tell myself.

I pick Azuki up two hours later and....she looks good, but no different from any other time after she gets a haircut.

I had fully expected a miracle transformation. Instead, I just have a well-groomed dog.

Azuki officially has the most expensive haircuts out of all of us (for those of you that are wondering, the rank goes Azuki, Matt, and then me!)

Here, you be the judge. Take a look at the member of the family with (by far) the most expensive up-do.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Matt would like readers to know that the writer of this blog has once again exaggerated her claims. His haircuts do not cost as much as the dog's, or his wife's on a PER APPOINTMENT basis, which is what the blogger was talking about (even though on a monthly or aggregate basis, due to the frequency of his haircuts, it obviously adds up to be more! But we won't discuss that further here due to legal considerations). Oh yeah, and that he doesn't have THAT much hair on his feet.