Boundaries

Honesty, I have learned, from the hard way, has its limitations. It played a part in wrecking a near- perfect marriage. Although, on the upside, it is also the reason why Matt and I remain the best of friends. Throughout it all, there was a deep sense of respect, and no party ever doubted the other person's integrity even in the darkest hours. A big part of it is that in the times that we were together, every second of our feelings for each other was ompletely and utterly real. Our love for each other was so total, and genuine. I am not a romantic person by nature, and I measure love not in esoteric terms but by one's willingness to donate a physical organ. I would, in fact, still give Matt a kidney to save his life. In a second, without a blink of the eye. You just need to tell me where to sign. I am pretty sure he would do the same for me.

I think this is the part that people have the hardest time undertanding. If we still like each other so much, they wonder outloud, why aren't we together? WHAT HAPPENED?

Randomness. Another word for love. Don't ask me to explain it. I don't have any answers.

Matt says it's timing. At one time, we had the perfect timing. And then we didn't. And this, would be the complicated and messy thing called life.

Going forward, I need to learn to have more boundaries. I don't know why I feel the need to divulge every detail of my life, but I guess it's because I have always been driven by a sense of justice. Even when justice means that it works against me. My mantra has been that I don't care about cruelty---I prefer honesty. Although, this hasn't really served me well lately. I am open to a new life philosophy in which to live my life by.

Wide open.

*This post is dedicated to Matt, my one-time husband who is now I guess my ex? You are still, the best thing that ever happened to me (besides the puppy). May we always have the same respect for each other, even if remaining close becomes an impossibility. I only hope that I have given you as much as you have given me.

Re-start

It's been....more than a year since I last posted on this Azuki blog. One reason was that I got really busy with work and social life here, after finally having a social networking in NY in which to have a life for. Another reason was that things got kind of sidetracked in my life, and I sort of lost focus for awhile. Wait, did I say my life was sidetracked? Let me re-engineer that thought. My life was derailed like a freakin transformer machine had just bitch-slapped a speeding train, causing massive internal injuries for all on board. In between there was a lot of pain, distance, and for some inexplicable reasons, some bed bugs involved. And then a lot of money spent moving as a result of the bed bugs. I will actually coin bb as THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A HUMAN BEING beyond violent crimes, torture, lost of a loved one, natural disaster, kidnappings...wait, okay a lot of bad things come before bed bugs but they are pretty freakin bad!

But I digress...

I won't go into the details of what actually happened, because well, this is a public blog which my mother reads and i really don't need to upset her more than I already have. Except my mother knows what happened. So I'll just summarize as SHIT HAPPENS. AND THEN WE DIE. THE END. Woa, who knew writing it all out can be so therapeutic!?!

In any case, this blog will now take somewhat of a dark sharp turn, and go from the ironic but uplifting chronicling the adventures of a young wife with a new puppy in a foreign city, to the cynical and ambivalent life of a newly separated single woman squarely in her 30s, barely able to pay her rent in the big apple. Life with Azuki, the crazy puppy, is still crazy because of the puppy. The puppy does not change. But now I am a single mom with a crazy grown dog in a insane city called New York.

And no, the life of single woman in NY is NOT like Sex in the City. You need money, time, and well, sex, to have that. Dude, I'm just living in the city, doing my own thing!


p.s. Azuki is doing great. She continues to get more attention than she deserves (although she doesn't think so), more love and resources than children in many countries will ever see. she is still the pain in the ass, and and the joy of my life!

Hawaiian Pup

One of the biggest ordeals for Azuki this past year was going on vacation. Do dogs need vacation?? You might ask. No, they do not. At least not this pup, whose everyday life consists of lots of naps, good food, long walks and romps in the park (which includes playdates with pup pal Lucy), and getting snuggled and loved up by humans.

But I had long dreamed of taking Azuki to Hawaii, where Matt's family lives. I had visions of a small, reddish brown stuffed-toy looking puppy frolicking on the sand and in the ocean, with sand between her toes and ears flopping to the wind. So I went through 6 months of paper work and waiting time to get her ready to travel to Hawaii without quarantine.
Well, we didn't get to go to the beach very much since the weather was dreary most of the time that we were there. The one time we got to take her to a beach park that was dog friendly, she didn't seem too taken with the sand, and preferred to run around on familiar grass. However, Azuki did discovered one new favorite thing to do that she never gets to do in New York---HANG HER WHOLE UPPER BODY OUTSIDE OF THE WINDOW AND FEEL THE WIND BLOW IN HER FACE.

She also got to play with our 2 year old neice and 8 months old nephew, whom the adults jokingly refer to as Azuki's "cousins". Although, this seems to be a concept that only the adults embraced. On the last day we were there I asked the two-year old whether or not she will miss her furry cousin when she is gone, she was absolutely indignant: "She is NOT my cousin!" she protests loudly. As if she was totally insulted that I would compare her, a HUMAN, so obviously genetically superior in every way, to a dog. I had to quickly apologize for my careless insults.

Having been put squarely back into the ANIMAL category aside, Azuki had a fantastic time in Hawaii. There was just so many people around all the time--so many people to bother, so many rooms to wonder, plus a yard to play ball and explore. She got to go to town with us and stop by parks and eat at an outdoor restaurant. She came with us on a drive half-way around the island which we stopped at 4 or 5 different places including a beachtown where we ate shave ice and roasted chicken, and she ate chicken bones left on the ground. She even attended a New Year's Eve party at the neighbor's house and witnessed firecrackers for the first time. By the time she got home, she was so exhausted from her long flight and two weeks of just not resting much, that she passed out immediately and really slept for 2 days afterwards, both day and night.

What a hard life!

Bedfellow

Haven't posted in awhile, but things have been busy and frankly, I have been lazy. The thing about moving to New York is that, I have a lot more things to do here, a lot more people to see, so the incentive to spend hours on posting the blog is low. Although, Azuki's life here is a happy one.
She pretty much does whatever she wants in the house, goes anywhere she pleases and sleeps on any type of surface she pleases. Up until very recently, however, the only off-limits area for her was our bed. I felt very strongly that there should be at least some space in the apartment that is for humans only. It was the ONLY rule that I insisted upon in the house, so I was a little bit confused one morning when I woke up from an unsettling dream. The morning conversation went like this:

me: "So weird. I dreamt that Azuki was in bed with us last night."
Matt: "What? But Azuki is not allowed in bed."
me: "I know. But I could have sworn you were trying to hide Azuki under the blankets last night."
Matt: ".......noooooo. [not making any eye contact] That would be like, so illegal."
me: "Yes it would be."

So that was how it all started. Before I knew it, this is what happened:

This is obviously in blantant violation of the no-dogs-in-bed law. But since the pup and the boy look so darn cute together, I have since then amended the law to no-dog-on-my-side-of-the-bed. Pup and peeps have abided by the law so far. Let's see how long before she sleeps on my pillow.

This is Not Acceptable

It started out innocently enough. Azuki was on my lap while I was on the computer, again. I was actually doing work this time, and not just surfing the web and doing nothing with my life like I usually am.

Okay, here is where I must digress a bit and tell you that the above sentence is a not-so-sly reference to the anonymous reader who posted a very belligerent, incoherent, and perplexingly long comment on this blog, accusing me of having no life by having this good-for-nothing blog. I have deleted it because I really don't want my readers (hi mom! hi matt's mom!) to read such inappropriate language (it's a family-friendly blog, people! please comment accordingly). Actually, the person used a lot of interesting word choices, including a whole lot of gay bashing, which I am not sure is at all relevant to his/her point of me wasting my life by having a blog about my dog. In a way it is kind of exciting, because, it's like, woa, you took out like 30 minutes of your very productive, meaningful life to tell me how much you hate my blog, and also how much you hate me? When you don't even know me? When you can very well spend that 30 minutes saving the lives of orphans in Ethiopia, or finding a cure for cancer. It makes me feel so...IMPORTANT.

To me, I have no lofty ambitions, and instead of spending my time telling off some total stranger in cyber space what a loser they are, I rather spend it blogging about my dog. And my life with my dog. And my life with my husband and my dog. Not necessarily listed in order of importance.

Okay, now back to what I was saying...

The pup likes to be on our laps. All the time. Anywhere. That would include when we are on the toilet. And I'll leave it at that so you don't start get any images.


First, Azuki paws at my leg and then jumps squarely into my lap:




Now, a furry head is blocking my monitor. I am trying to work here, you monkey head you:

Um, excuse me, but I believe you are crossing a very delicate line here:

Okay you've crossed it. You are going down, bitch.

Just the Cutest Pup in the World

Azuki love autumn. It is indeed her favorite season---not too hot, not too cold. Frolicking outside means that she can burrow in piles of leaves, chase squirrels that frequently come down to eat the nuts falling from trees, and just relish in being free and wild.

She really isn't suppose to run free at all hours of the day, which she does. But you know what?
Azuki is 8 pounds. She poses no danger to anyone but, perhaps the squirrels. The doting pup mom that I am, I'd like to think that my pup is keeping the squirrels lean and fit by having to run really fast away from her ;)

I took this photo with my cell phone the other day, and it turned out really well. I showed it to my friend, who knows just how crazy Azuki can be, and she was like, "woa, Azuki seems so calm when she is motionless in the photos. It's so deceiving!"

Pupcake

Along with the many responsibilities and daily annoyance that comes with having a small, energetic dog, there are many benefits as well.

For example, you can balance silly objects on top of your dog's head and take pictures of them!

This is what happened one night to a poor, innocent pup when ma and pa comes
home with a single cupcake from the famed Magnolia's Cupcake as featured in Sex in the City:




And she didn't even get to have any cake. What cruel parents we are!

In a New Space

Here are some pictures my friend took in his apartment. It was my first time bringing Azuki to someone else's apartment in NY. She was REALLY excited, and panted basically the whole time...but I was just happy that she did not pee in his place.


Here we are, all arms and legs:

Speed of light:

A big sneeze, landed right on Jimmy's expensive camera lense:

Trying to calm her down with a belly rub. It didn't work by the way. Still way too excited:

Take a look at those TEETH! If she didn't have such innocent eyes one might mistaken her to be a vicious, mean ittle dog!